YA 48 | Observation Method

 

Stress is natural, but too much of it kills you and others around you. For this very reason, people like Christian Modjaiso exists. He is a Relationship Rescue Coach and the Founder and CEO of OBSERVE, a company that is set up to help extremely stressed people deal with their stress by observing it for themselves. In this show, he walks us through what triggered him to build OBSERVE and what methods he is applying to help his client live lives with lesser stress and anger. There is no need to read a book about controlling your anger because understanding the situation can always sort things out in the end. Join us today and discover the power of observation in alleviating stress and anger.

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Untangling Your Life From Constant Stress Through The Power Of Observation with Christian Modjaiso

Our guest is Christian Modjaiso. He is the Founder and CEO of a company called OBSERVE. Christian is from the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa. His company is designed to help people who are extremely stressed, learn to deal with their stress and like me, Christian is no stranger to this type of stress. A lot of what he’s doing in his practice, he learned from personal experience in his own life. Christian, welcome to the show. It’s an honor to have you here.

Jennifer, thank you very much. I’m very excited to be here.

Christian, tell us a little bit about where you live and the community that you live in. Because I think that a lot of times it’s easy for people like me, my friends and my neighbors to get wrapped up in our little suburban lifestyles and not realize that there are both differences, huge similarities and different places around the world.

I’m from the Democratic Republic of Congo. I usually have a debate with my relatives. My mom insists it’s a town. I say it’s a village. I live in a small town in the Southeast of Congo. It’s a rural area. The construction that’s going on is rapid, but you also have things like houses that are made of mud. Next with them you could have buildings made of concrete. There are people here living extremely well. For example, where I’m living, my next-door neighbors the financial situation is totally different. They are struggling way more than I am.

This is part of the setup. We speak a couple of languages here. French, mostly. That’s the official language in Congo and where I live. People use Congolese version of Swahili and other local languages like Lingala. I was in California for five years before coming back here. After living in California with all these concrete buildings, everything’s so organized. It’s exciting. This place every day is an adventure. When I was in California for five years, I never saw a single power cut, but here power cuts are a real thing. Electricity comes on and off randomly. What we do is we buy solar panels. You put solar panels on the top of the building and then rely on solar power. I’m using solar power because electricity is not so reliable. I have to find solutions rather than depending on government electricity. The electricity is run by the government.

Is that a layer of what’s feeding into why people are so stressed where you are, the random power cuts?

No, this is one of the things. The human being needs a combination of two things. Chaos and order. If you have too much order, there’s a problem. Too much chaos is a problem. In a place like California, everything was so organized. Every street is labeled. There’s a bunch of arrows directing you to where the bathroom is. People get so freaked out when something unexpected happens, like the power going off. Over here there’s a level of order, but there’s also a level of chaos as well. People don’t get stressed out over things like electricity. In the States when I was a student, we used to send emails indicating when the power will be off. If the power of at a certain time be prepared or the water will be out, but here, there is no such warning. You get used to the chaos and expect that every day is an adventure.

That attitude of getting used to the chaos and seeing every day is an adventure, that’s a resilience-building attitude. I love it.

All humans are capable of it. The environment makes it easier when things are not so expected. When I was in the States, for example, it was always important to warn someone before you come to their house. I could be like, “I’ll be at your house on Friday at 3:00. I won’t be eating any lunch, so don’t prepare any lunch for me.” These things I used to do when I was in the States, but over here, that doesn’t happen. In the house, we always cook four or five extra food because an uncle can randomly drop by without telling you. You have to welcome him, talk to him and be excited to see him. It’s exciting to have people drop by without having planned for them or it can also be frustrating if you’re used to the organized way of the Western world.

Observations can lead you to become more familiar with anger and allow you to take precautions before it happens. Click To Tweet

In America, there’s more frustration. A lot of people here don’t even want somebody to ring our doorbell, let alone randomly drop by. I get what you’re saying because when I was a kid, that was the environment I grew up in. You just went down the road to your friend’s house and you showed up unless you had to get permission from your parents to go first. Sometimes there were the parents talking, saying, “Is it okay if Jennifer comes over?” If I had my way, I’d just get on my bike and go. I did that a lot as a kid. Christian, you’re the founder and CEO of a company called OBSERVE and I did notice that all of the letters are capitalized in the name of your company. Tell us a little bit about that and how you came up with the method that you’re using to work with people.

I don’t know why I chose to make it capital. I just thought, “It’s the name of the company. Let’s make it capital.” The capital is not a major factor. The cool thing about this company is that it does exactly what the name says. It’s all about observation. What the company set up to help extremely stressed people to deal with their stress, but by observing it for themselves. The idea is that if you’re stressed out by some problem or you’re not able to get a promotion at work, you’re afraid that your boyfriend may leave you, what we do is we observe the reality of that situation. Observe the problem, what’s going on and then the observations tell us what needs to be done. What I find is that whenever I deal with the reality of my problem the solution that comes out fits perfectly.

There’s a difference between getting a solution that came from a textbook, from an expert and a solution that came from your own situation. One reality-based solution that fits. I found out that the way that happens, how do you get a solution that fits? I realize that what you have to do is to pay total attention to whatever the situation is. For example, in my case, I used to have a lot of angry outbursts. Sometimes I’d yell at people or give them a hard time, get into fights because I got angry. I never used a physical fight as a way to solve problems, but certainly verbal fights, look precisely what’s the most hurtful thing to say is and say that. Those ideas.

At some point, I found myself extremely angry and I decided, let me sit down and observe the anger. This is something I’d never done before. I sat down comfortably on a couch. I closed my eyes and I observed the anger within me. I observed the thoughts that are running through my mind. In this particular case, one of the maids had done something I didn’t like. I’d spoken to her very angrily. My thoughts are racing in inside of my head. Why did she do it? What should I have said instead? I shouldn’t be that mean, because she was also crying because I’d been hard on her. All these were thoughts running through my head.

I decided to sit down and let the thoughts run. I decided to feel what’s happening in my body. I realized the entire body was contracting. The heart was contracting and the flaring at the corner of the noses. The thought came to me that this anger is killing me. Once I realized that my behavior naturally changed. Before I’d always been told, don’t speak to people in anger, be gentle. None of that stuff had ever worked. It was just rules told to me by some experts. When I realized that by observation, forget about the other person. It’s bad for me. I can feel it killing me. That was the beginning of the change and I found my own ways of dealing with my own anger. There is no need to read a book about it. I found my own ways.

I found a way to neutralize the anger and not let it take me over for weeks or months. Before that would happen. I could remain pissed off and hold a grudge for a month or two months. Instead what I did this time is I learned that every emotional state is temporary. I learned that if I sit down and observe my anger, eventually the anger subsides. I don’t have to be angry for the entire day. Maybe I’ll be angry for 30 minutes, an hour, an hour and a half. I sit down, observe it and it’s diffused. I’ve never had such a tool before, I’ve done nothing. All I did was sit and observe. These observations led me to become more familiar with anger. I could now predict situations that will make me angry and take precautions before it happens.

At the time I was thinking of running a business I thought, I want to do business in the area of human suffering. I was always wondering what should be the core of it or how should it run and then it suddenly hit me. Why not make it an observation? Gradually, I realized since observation has transformed my life, my relationships and transformed everything about me, why don’t I create a company that shows people how to deal with their own stress by observing it for themselves. This was one of the triggers of it. There are a couple of other things that brought me to this point.

You’ve described a very similar process that I’ve learned in a three-year program I’ve been in. It’s how to sit with your emotions, how to observe your emotions, how to observe your thoughts, how to observe what’s happening inside of you and taking responsibility for our own triggers. Realizing that anytime we have an emotional trigger and we noticed that we’re fearful, we’re angry or frustrated, annoyed, any of those emotions start to come up. It’s a reflection about us more so than the person that triggered us.

This is the first realization. This is the beginning. I am the cause of my own stress. In society, we are taught that external events are the reason why we are angry, sad or feeling pressurized. Our stress is caused by some external situation. If you pay a little attention and you make some observations, you realized that external things, I also consider thoughts to be external. Thoughts are also outside. External situations triggers, but the actual emotions are generated by me and they result from my own inability to handle my own thoughts and emotions. It’s an expression of incompetence. Let’s say you insult me, call me a loser and then I get angry or I get depressed as a result. The reason I’m depressed or angry is that I’m incompetent at handling my own thoughts and emotions.

YA 48 | Observation Method

Observation Method: External situations trigger stress, but the actual emotions are generated by us and result from our own inability to handle thoughts and emotions.

 

If I were to call you a loser and you did get angry, that could be indicative that it touches on a belief system, on something that you believe about yourself too. Because if you didn’t have a belief that maybe I’m not good enough or maybe she’s right, maybe I am a loser, then there would be no emotional response at all. It would just be like, “Why is she calling me that? I know I’m not a loser.”

It’s going to be, “Jennifer should never insult me. I should never be insulted. She should respect me.” Beliefs like that, when you insult me, I feel terrible, angry or I’m about to blow up. Every human being wants to be happy and joyful. Nobody wants to be miserable. No one wants to be angry or sad. The reason they’re not happy is that they don’t know how to create happiness and joy within themselves. If people knew how to do that, they would not ever pick misery, fear and anxiety, none of that stuff.

That’s an important point because happiness comes from within. I can’t speak for the Democratic Republic of Congo, but for sure here in the Western world what I observe, there are a lot of people who are trying to find happiness outside of themselves. If I go buy this thing, if I can live in that neighborhood, if I can buy that car, if I can date that person or have that relationship. It’s always something outside of them that they think is going to make them happy. They get it and maybe there’s temporary happiness and then a few months later, if you still haven’t addressed your own issues, wherever you go, there you are. If you don’t deal with yourself, that misery is going to keep creeping back into your life.

The situation has been set up so that you fail either way. There is this guy called Eckhart Tolle. He wrote something where he said, “There are two ways to be miserable. One is to get exactly what you want. The other way is to not get what you want.” If you don’t get what you want, you’re miserable. I don’t have what I want. When you get what you want, you’re thinking of getting more so your measurable. It’s not just in the United States. I’ve been to various parts of Africa. Pretty much any society I’ve ever been in, it’s the same thing. People always believe that their own internal state is caused by an external event. That’s common. That’s a set up for misery either way.

It does, it seems like it doesn’t matter who I talk to and where in the world they’re from. That’s part of the human condition. Thinking that happiness comes from somewhere else, but it comes from within.

I don’t even know where it comes from because certainly not the outside. Because once I was trying to figure out who I am. I was out exercising. I realize I’m not my thoughts. I’m not the physical body. It’s because the physical body is an accumulation. The body has changed dramatically ever since I was a kid. I’m still here but the body’s changing. I’m wondering where is inside and where is outside. The thoughts outside, the bodies outside, the head is outside, so where is inside? One of the realizations also is that certainly, the joy is not coming from outside. The experience is not coming from outside. I am creating it for myself, but I don’t know how or even where. I don’t know where I am.

Whenever you work with your clients, are your clients receptive to the observe method? Do they easily go into this or do you find resistance with your clients?

I work as a relationship rescue coach. When I’m working with a client, I don’t directly try to talk to them about the observe approach or you should observe. Instead, what I do is I help them on a practical level to tackle their problem. I’m applying the observe approach, but I don’t require them or even tell them to do so. If someone comes up and they say, “I’m 42-years-old. My husband doesn’t love me anymore. I want him desperately to have sex with me, but he won’t.” An issue like that. “Every time I go out with him, he’s looking at other younger girls calling them sexy. I feel bad about it.” When a client mentioned something like that, I get them to look at the reality of the situation. That’s all. I don’t tell them they need to. We look at the facts of it. What is the nature of men? Why is he doing what he’s doing? Why are you reacting the way you are? I’m transmitting the observe approach to them, but not directly. Let’s say I have a headache and the headache is coming from the fact that there’s some problem with my spine.

That could happen. I have a history of bodywork. A restriction in the spine could absolutely feed into headaches.

Some people are not happy because they do not know how to create happiness and joy within themselves. Click To Tweet

I have a headache and it’s because of my spine, but I don’t know that. Maybe I have a bad posture. If I go to the doctor, the doctor stops talking to me about the spine. I’m not going for the spine. I’m going for a headache. If the doctor tells me that curing my spinal will cure my headache, I will pay attention to the spine. Initially, I’m coming because my headache needs to go. Whatever it is to end the headache, I’m going to listen to that. The observe approaches the method, but it’s not why clients are coming to me. Someone is coming to me because their marriage is breaking down. I deal with the problem in the marriage and by doing that, the observer approach comes in.

It’s starting to see where the problem lies. Because a lot of times the cause is not where you feel the symptoms. That’s true in the physical body, but it’s also true in relationships. That’s pretty much what you just described.

The most important thing, first of all, is people are not coming to me because they want to know the root cause. They want their problem to go away. That’s the beginning. First, solved their problem practically before talking about where am I? Am I here? Am I not? Do I exist? Am I in the body? If someone has a broken relationship, they don’t give a crap about that stuff.

At the same time, those are important considerations as to why the relationship might be broken in the first place. Because if we don’t know who we are, we’re always looking to our partner to define who we are. What you’re talking about is going inside and figuring out who we are. That goes back to a lot of us come out of childhood truly not knowing who we are because we have parents, guardians, friends or teachers at school who try to shape us and mold us into what they want us to be. As children, a lot of times we listened to them. We try to be what our parents, our guardians, teachers or whoever those adults are that we look up to as children, we try to be what we think they want us to be as kids. If we don’t change that behavior in adulthood and discover who we truly are and if we spend our adulthood continually trying to be who other people want us to be, yes, we’re going to be horribly miserable.

This is the tool that parents use and the entire society uses to mold into a certain way. I sit down and I imagine what the society expects of me. What does my father expect of me? The funny thing is I might not even be what my father expects. I can imagine to myself that if I change careers and do something else, my dad would be so pissed off. When in reality, maybe he doesn’t even care. He’d be perfectly fine with the new career. Part of it is what they want me to be and the other part is what I imagined that they want me to be. All of those create an image. They create a mask that I need to wear in order to get through life. The problem is that acting is hard work. This mask will become too heavy. I have to smile all the time even if I don’t want a smile. I have to be gentle and kind to people even if I want to scream at them. This creates misery because we can’t express the things that we want to express.

That is so important. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, where you live. It’s part of the human condition, to become aware of exactly what you’re talking about so we can shift our internal state and not suffer so much inside of ourselves.

If you left it to me, I’d like the final solution. The solution where it doesn’t matter what happens, I’m totally fine or I’m calm and joyful all the time because the reality is that I don’t know how to do that. As a result, as I try to figure that out, the focus is at least if I can’t get rid of the mask, how can I be as least burdened as possible by it? Can I become a little freer at least? I work my way to total freedom.

Honestly, do you think it’s even possible to be happy and joyful all the time? Because circling back to what you were talking about at the very beginning, life is a balance of order and chaos. Sometimes that chaos takes us out of our joy and happiness for a period of time. It’s just as important to experience some of those times whenever we do suffer from things like grief, anger, fear, shame and guilt. There can be a good to feel some of those emotions because once you get to the other side of it and you realize, you can sit with your anger and maybe in 30 minutes it passes through you and you’re back to good again. If you can do that for 30 minutes and come back to peace, you’ve built your capacity. You’ve added resilience to your life and to what you can handle and what you can manage. I see value in a lot of these emotions. Here in the Western culture, if you express anger, there are some people who are on this positivity movement and they’ll jump down your throat because you’re not positive all the time. I’m like, “You’re not my people. You’re not my tribe.” I can’t deal with the forced positivity movement. It has to come naturally or it’s not me.

I made a video for my YouTube channel called To Hell with Positive Thinking. I got a lot of engagements from my mailing list when I publish the video, which is shocking. It’s a very provocative title. There is truth in it. It’s important to face problems. What I was describing was that positive thinking is a way to escape from facing realities.

YA 48 | Observation Method

Observation Method: Positive thinking is a way to escape from facing realities.

 

I call it spiritual hijacking.

Instead of like, I’m angry or I’m feeling sad and depressed. Instead of observing my sadness and depression and allowing myself to feel it and seeing if there are any lessons within it, I repeat a mantra in my head. “I’m happy and successful.” I haven’t dealt with the sadness and the depression, which means that I didn’t learn a single thing from them, which means that these emotions will come back and will take me over because I never write anything about dealing with them.

I want to point out what you said, experiencing your emotions. The way you’re describing it, you absolutely learn lessons from them. That is so important because the lesson is individual for each of us. I can’t tell you what the lesson is that you’re going to get from your anger, your grief, your fear or your shame. I can’t tell my clients what their lessons are going to be, but I can certainly sit there and hold space with them and hold a safe space while they experience their emotions. That’s exactly what you’re describing.

There are certain that you can outsource. For instance, let’s say my car breaks down. I can outsource the problem of observing the car and fixing it. I can outsource that to a mechanic. If my taps aren’t working, I can outsource the solution to it to a plumber. However, there are certain problems that cannot be outsourced, such as my own anger and sadness. Evil nature has made it so that you’ve got to face those yourself. If you talk to me about the nature of anger, I went and attended a twenty-day lecture with you where you were intense and you’re describing things that are real, to me, they’re just a bunch of words. I’ll get a lot of mental concepts, but there’ll be no change at all in myself. At least not the kind of change and experience if I observed and dealt with the anger by myself. Pay attention to it. The anger itself tells you how to overcome it.

That is such a unique experience for each one of us because even though anger is a universal emotion, what triggers that anger is individual and each person. It’s a unique experience because you could have a hundred people who lived through the same event and maybe ten to fifteen of them will get angry and the other 85 to 90 won’t. How do you explain that? If it’s not an individual experience on why the anger comes up, which is exactly what you said is so important. Do you have to figure out for yourself what’s the lesson in that anger? What’s the meaning? What’s it trying to communicate?

When I’m observing the anger, I’m not looking for a lesson at that moment. I’m observing it. Part of the anger is the thoughts that are running through my head. The thought that says, what’s the lesson in this? That is also part of the problem. I observed that also. When I’m observing, I’m just observing everything. Every thought, including the thought that trying to fix things. That observation itself gives me ideas of what I can do.

Yes, exactly because the ideas will come to you. The more quiet instilled you can get and the more in the seat of the observer you can be, the more likely the answers will just come to you and you’ll be like, “I get it.”

This happens whenever we try to solve a problem. Once you’ve grasped the problem, the solution is automatic. I’m sure you’ve had this experience before where like you have a problem in business and you’re thinking about it and you can’t get anything and it’s such a big problem. Once you get it, it’s obvious. You’re like, “I can’t believe I spent all this time and I wasn’t seeing such an obvious thing.” You tried to explain to other people how obvious it is. I need to create a sales funnel, but now it’s obvious. After having made the correct observations, the answer is obvious.

For example, the reason is let’s say I’m taken over by sadness or misery, it’s because I don’t truly understand it. Just like any other problem, the more I look at it, the less control it has over me. I don’t know about it in the case of anger and misery, but with any other problem I’ve seen is that when you observe it enough, eventually the solution is obvious. I studied math in school and they give us very tough problem sets. You spend hours thinking about the problem. Once you’ve understood it enough, the solution is obvious. You can’t believe, “Why did it take me two days”, but it’s how nature works. Enough observation and then the solution is obvious.

Dealing with the reality of your problem can bring out a solution that can fit perfectly. Click To Tweet

I love the work you’re doing. It’s brilliant. I love that you’ve figured this out for yourself. Are you teaching classes to spread your message to other people?

I have a YouTube channel. I make a video every single day tackling some problem that might be stressing someone out. “My boyfriend just dumped me. What can I do? How can I become more confident? I’m just experiencing loss. How do I deal with loss?” I make all those videos about the observe approach, but I help people deal with their symptoms first. I sneak in the observer approach, but I do teach that stuff on YouTube. My mailing list, I send out emails specifically teaching some idea. One is about how to deal with manipulative people. This is the follow-up teaching I’m doing, but I think eventually I’ll ramp it up, maybe start an online course.

Do you mind giving us a couple of tips on what was in your article or your YouTube on how to deal with manipulative people? Because I know that’s a problem here too. We have a lot of manipulative people in the United States. They run the world, I think.

First of all, we started by understanding what manipulation is. The idea was that to manipulate is to use things in order to achieve a certain desire. Even if I’m doing something basic like trying to succeed in business, I have to use money, my body and my energy. I have to manipulate all those things to achieve my goal. Usually, what I realize is that with people, whenever I’m doing something to achieve my goal, I’m just being strategic. If someone else is doing something to achieve a goal that’s against mine, they’re being manipulative. The first thing I help the community realize is that they are no better than other people. All of us do things to achieve our goals to meet our desires.

The strategic versus manipulative, that’s perception.

If my business partner is working with me telling me stuff that he needs to tell me in order for the business succeed, it’s great. If all of a sudden he now starts to achieve another goal of maybe taking all my money, now it’s manipulation. What I helped them to realize is that first of all, you are manipulative also. Those people are not evil. They are also trying to achieve their goal. If you look at what the desires are, then you’re better able to deal with them. If you stop thinking he’s evil, he’s manipulative, how dare he do that? I trusted them. How could he betray me? Once you go into this train of thought, you’re no longer looking at reality.

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself with manipulation. Anytime I’ve been pointing the finger at somebody saying, “That person’s manipulative, he manipulated me. Look what happened.” It’s because I played perfectly into exactly what they wanted me to do. Maybe they were trying to achieve their goals strategically. Maybe there was some manipulation, but whenever I catch myself and I realized that I fell into the trap, whether it was a trap or not. If I did exactly what they wanted me to and you couple that with it wasn’t what I wanted for myself. I get angry and project that anger at that person and say, “Look how they manipulated me.” Because I didn’t want to take responsibility for my own action of not standing up for myself and saying, “No, this is not what I want to do.”

That’s right. It’s like refusing to take responsibility. They manipulated you because you let them manipulate you. That’s also the reality.

Because I wouldn’t speak up for myself and I wouldn’t say no. It was more important to me to be liked or to fit in. I did something that compromised my own values, compromised what I wanted or didn’t want for myself and then I would project that anger out and then label them as manipulators instead of looking at myself and going, “I’ve got some responsibility in this too. It’s time for me to step into my power and start saying no whenever, I mean no, instead of saying yes, just to be accepted by other people.”

YA 48 | Observation Method

Observation Method: In order to get the best possible outcome, you need to be as based in reality as possible.

 

There are many aspects to it. It’s one of the things I’ve been learning, not just about manipulation, but I realized that all my life I never looked at things as they are. I always try to interpret myself as better than others or less than others. Some people I view them as superior and others I view them as inferior and all of these things distort vision, yet in order for me to get the best possible outcome, I need to be as based in reality as possible. If I look up to somebody, let’s say Obama comes to the room. Immediately when I look up to him, that’s going to distort everything I do. For instance, everything he says, I’m going to interpret as correct. What’s also going to happen is my palms are going to start sweating. I might end up performing way less than I normally do. I’ll never see the man for who he is. Let say he comes again and he had intentions for me, but I have a positive attitude towards him. I’m unable to see the bad intentions because my vision is so distorted. This is also an observation. All these things as they are. They are no better and no worse.

I think you’re doing a good job at taking apart some of these situations that our average everyday life we gloss over and don’t even pay attention to. I love that you’re pointing out how important it is to pay attention to some of these moments that have a lot more meaning in our lives than we give them credit for.

There was a video I made a friend requested. I was talking about how usually people need a catastrophe. Something huge in order to take things seriously. The example I was using was the sink in the bathroom. I didn’t close the tap very well so that there was one drop was leaking. The hole for the sink, I plugged it so that the water can’t drain. If I’m someone who’s not very perceptive or doesn’t pay attention to small moments that are insignificant, I’ll say, “It’s just a drop. There is no big deal.” I’ll have to wait for the water to flood before I realize it’s a problem. A catastrophe has to happen. It has to be a big moment where I’ve lost control. This is foolish to wait for things do go totally out of hand or things to be so intense before paying attention. The smart person would see, “The thing is plugged. This drop is already a problem. I got to solve the problem now.” Even if I spill a little bit of irritation, I don’t have to wait until I’m going into a full-blown episode where I’m insulting everybody and we’re fighting. Just the slightest irritation is enough for me to pay attention. That would be a sign of intelligence, that I can deal with things while they’re still small.

Christian, what is the best way for our audience to find you or follow you? What’s your preferred method of contact?

That’s going to depend on why you’re contacting me. For instance, if you have a question that you’d like me to answer or you’re contacting me to let me know other podcasts that I can speak. What you will do is go to my website, OBSERVE.host and click on contact and then you’d be able to contact me that way. Another way to contact me is if you like the ideas that I’m sharing and you want to engage with me on the level of these ideas, just enter my full name into YouTube and that will give you access to my YouTube channel. If you comment on my daily videos, I’ll be able to comment back. I reply to those messages.

The final way to contact me is this. I work as a relationship rescue coach. Let’s say that you’re at a very low point and you feel that your relationship is breaking down. You’re worried that your partner is going to end it or you’re thinking of ending the relationship yourself and you need the help with that. I’m offering for a limited time only. You can contact me for a relationship rescue coaching session. What we’ll do in the session is get a crystal clear vision of the kind of relationship you’d like to have. We’ll figure out precisely what is sabotaging your relationship. Why is it breaking down and you leave the session renewed, re-energized and inspired to finally create the kind of relationship you want or if it’s time to end and the relationship? If you want to contact me for that reason, go to OBSERVE.host, click on contact and send a message and a member of the OBSERVE team will get back to you to schedule this free relationship rescue coaching session.

Do you work with people over a distance like via Zoom calls?

Yes, it’s all online. Typically, it’s video call via Zoom, Skype or Facebook.

You literally could work with people anywhere in the world.

Once you've grasped the problem, the solution is automatic. Click To Tweet

I live here but none of my clients is from here. People in Congo they speak French not English.

I’ve always heard you can’t be a prophet in your own town.

My family thinks I’m crazy and wasting my time. My mom is like, “What are you doing? What is this stuff? This business doesn’t make any sense to me.” Thanks to the internet, I can live in a village and work with people anywhere on the planet.

It’s brilliant. You’ve naturally tapped into some powerful techniques that some of us are spending three years in courses learning how to work with this. Christian, do you have any final tips or bits of wisdom to leave with our audience?

One thing I can leave with you is something called the observe approach. It’s a three-step process you can use to deal with any problem that stressing you out. The first step is just observe it. The second step is write down facts about the problem, not what you think, not your interpretation. “I’ll always be a loser. This is how I’ve always been. My grandmother was right about me.” None of that stuff. If you record enough facts, the correct way to act will come to you and then just act upon that. If you apply this process, you could deal with a practical problem on the outside level, in your business and your family, in your relationship, but you can also use it for internal type problems, strong emotions, fear, anxiety, all of that stuff.

Thank you so much, Christian. It’s been an honor to have you with us.

You’re welcome. I’ve been very excited to talk to you.

Thanks again for being on the show and for all of our audience, check out my website at JenniferWhitacre.com. You’ll find my player. If you haven’t signed up for my weekly newsletter, that’s where you’re going to get information about all of my episodes. You’ll learn a little bit more about this episode with Christian and also some past episodes and that’s where you’ll find out what else I have going on in my life.

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About Christian Modjaiso

YA 48 | Observation MethodChristian Modjaiso is a Relationship Rescue Coach and the founder and CEO of OBSERVE. Christian is joining us from the Democratic Republic of Congo where he helps extremely stressed people learn to deal with their stress by observing it for themselves. No stranger to stress and dark times, Christian has a combination life experience and a natural instinct for figuring things out and helping others.

Christian is offering to the Yes, And… audience a free e-book that he has written to outline his OBSERVE APPROACH for you. Access your *free* copy here: http://observe.host/the-observe-approach-to-stress/

He’s also offering a free Relationship Rescue Coaching Session (this is a limited-time offer, so act NOW!) to our audience: http://observe.host/free-coaching/